it's a different type of commitment.

Fabulous idea: Recently, I have become absolutely obsessed with  and inspired by Demetria Lucas' (Essence's Relationship Editor) blog - abelleinbrooklyn.com, so I decided that in addition to post about fashion I want to post about the dating experience in college and other topics that might come about while being in college. (my creative juices are definitely flowing) 

1st topic: Can a girl have a guy friend that she is genuinely attracted to, hangs out with, and fools around with sometimes without any attachment or feelings of wanting to be more - or is this too unrealistic to ask for? 

"A buddy is a equal beneficial arrangement. A buddy is a buddy that don't be complaining when his or her buddy ain't the buddy they came with." - Musiq Soulchild

Sure, sure - guys might argue that girls catch feelings too often but looking back at my past experiences, I have tried this once and it didn't work because the other person (the guy)  caught feelings and maybe that was because we didn't start off as friends? (now we can never be "real" friends) I kept leading him on (not on purpose) to something that would never happen. But once you or the other person catches feelings the whole "friend" title gets thrown out the window and what exactly your relationship is becomes a blur. This may work out for the better if you both have feelings for each other but if the feelings are one-sided, someone is bound to get hurt. 

I'm all up for trying things again, so I might try this whole "friend" thing again but I need to make some guidelines, rules, things to avoid so this time it won't fail. (Even though sometimes, what your heart feels overpowers any set rules or guidelines) 

Disclaimer: If you are trying to do this with someone you previously dated (especially for a long period of time) I highly doubt this will work. I mean you guys may "think" your friends to keep things from being awkward but your NOT friends, you have history. It's great to still be cool with your ex's (unless they did some grimy ish...), it actually gives you someone to talk to when your going through that "I'm single like for real, for real" period,  but if you guys didn't start off as friends then you'll never be "real" friends. #exception (there's always one of these)  This actually worked for me once, I went out on a date and I "talked" to the guy who is my male best friend to this day. 

BUDDY GUIDELINES: 

"It's a different type of commitment, I'm talking about a true friendship."

1. Clear understanding

It's all about being upfront and making a clear distinction between what it is and what it's not - lay it all down before there is room for romantic emotions. I mean it's fine to care for each other, there has to be some level of trust but this is more about having fun and feeling free than anything. 

2. Jealously 

When you start to get jealous, that's when you start to see this person as more than your friend. Jealously on either end is a "no,no." Once the jealously starts, this needs to end - it will stop the hurt and the hurting. Questions of "where were you? why were you doing this? are you talking to so and so?" are the beginnings of the jealously stage. 

3. Maturity

Before you get yourself into this, I feel like you have to be a mature person - which doesn't mean you have to be "older" but just confident in your thoughts and yourself. You have to be sure your are emotionally capable of handling this, because some people aren't.  

4. Don't Do Relationship Things 

Don't ever make things awkward by doing things you would do in a relationship. One of my good friends was telling me that this guy asked her for advice. He wanted to know if he could take out his friend who he was attracted to out for a romantic dinner and then just go back to being her friend the next day. (WTF? - this creates confusion). This is a friendship, not a committed relationship so it's cool if your guys go out for lunch or to see a movie, but if he didn't pay for you when you guys were just "friends" then he shouldn't pay for you now that he is your buddy. 

5. FUNIt's all about having fun and trying new things, so don't think twice just do it. This can either be one of the most memorable and exciting experiences of your life or the most confusing and stressful but this isn't even my boyfriend times of your life - you chose.  

So what do you think? Let me know - I want your opinions and I'll tell you if this actually works, because it all seems good in theory. 

Signed fabulously in PINK,

Tahirah